For the first time since the break up I feel grounded in the direction I want to go. My life once again is on a path and I'm excited about the journey just as much as the destination. Now that I've mapped out a path I feel the next obstacle is practicing following it. I have a great history of routing out my goals and achieving them so I'm not totally worried, but for some dang reasons boys and laziness are so tempting! Thankfully, when I take a step back they are fairly straight forward.
I struggle with laziness when I get burnt out. I am human and I have to ensure I am replenishing my body and soul, smelling the flowers as I race towards deadlines.This means being realistic when scheduling and prioritizing. I can do anything -- just not everything!
I am back on the hunt for the man of my dreams, the father of my children. All I feel I need to do is turn my focus from immediate companionship, temporary possibilities and Adam to that which I deeply desire. I am looking for someone who is mentally strong/stable and compassionate, who is full of passion and shares a connection with something greater than himself. I am looking for a man with a big heart who plans on having a large family. I want someone who is driven by love over pride, money or really anything else. I also have realized I want a man who loves me compeltely for who I am and would not change anything about me. I have no idea how long it will take me to find someone, yet as I mentioned in my previous post I am willing to wait. The difference this time is that I feel I know specifically what I am waiting for though I have no idea who.
There are so many things that take my attention and I'd love to them all but I have to prioritize on focus on following that which I am most passionate about. By choosing school, college pro, time with friends/family and time taking care of myself shows just how important I value those things over anything else I could be doing. This motivates me to make the most of my time and enjoy what I have chosen to do!
I am thankful I have remained optimistic regarding men. Some of them have issues and are just plain not cool, but I have connections with some pretty amazing fellas! Guys can be thoughtful, funny, smart, kind, creative and many more wonderful human traits. However, I cannot marry all of them! Similar to prioritizing my schedule, I think by keeping the man of my dreams as a priority I am proving how important he is/will be in my life! When I do choose the man he knows he didn't just luck out but that I sought him out and that I specifically chose him. I've learned it can be a difficult process and that I have to take into account what we both value and look for in a partner. Neither Joe nor I have what the other is really looking for. Mike had strong feelings for me, but he didn't offer what I was looking for. I had strong feelings for Adam, but I didn't offer what he needs. It's how it goes and I am definitely going to be more aware. I really hope I don't have my heart broken again; being selective and purposefully searching for someone will hopefully improve my odds and that's realistically all that I can truly hope for.
